Loving yourself, loving neighbor

Over the last couple of years I have discovered an important truth. Loving yourself is EXTREMELY difficult. There are often too many barriers constructed for us and by us to achieve this without help from others. The GREAT NEWS is it is attainable and possible.

Most of my days are spent listening to people’s pain. Most are teens and children. Lots of time, especially for those who self harm or attempt suicide, they are trying hard to stop feeling so unworthy or unwanted, it is heart wrenching. And while we stand on the sidelines wishing they wouldn’t do such things or have those thoughts, they are trying to survive any way they know how until they can no longer endure.

Loving yourself doesn’t come naturally at all. It takes hard work because those who surround you might have harmed you in intentional and unintentional ways. And for children and youth they rely almost entirely on the family to help with developing love of self.

In a production based society, worth is based-on what we do not that we are. We do it all the time in families. Need to make good grades, never fail, don’t let them down, are all thoughts we all have had at one time or another. Whether it causes one to strive for perfection or withdraw into nothingness, it does not lead to loving yourself.

So what needs to change? It’s a complex issue because it has many layers Doubt and rejection begins early. From the time we are infants we begin developing our sense of self worth.

Jesus gave a commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves. It hasn’t been until recently I discovered how truly challenging this is. And I believe we focus on the other because focusing on ourselves seems wrong or conceited. But I believe Jesus was telling us that we only can truly love our neighbors when we love ourselves. That’s the paradox and why this is so hard.

Every week I am helping someone in crisis. Crisis in the mental health world is suicidal or homicidal ideation. And what I have discovered is that at the heart of most of these thoughts are the following:

unworthiness,

feeling like I don’t matter

I am a waste.

And the list goes on.

Yes kids have told me this and then the work set out before me is to help them love themselves. I believe this is holy work. Too many negative messages come at us all the time and it is only in loving ourselves that we can truly love others.

As I am discovering this new challenge by Jesus, I invite conversation. I don’t have all the answers but I am willing to risk the conversation so that we can express grace to ourselves as well as others.